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Posted:
19:51:02 on August 17 2001
By: Steve Krutzler
Dept: Star Trek X
After the first script review of the tenth 'Trek' feature at Dark Horizons, the site's founder and regular reviewer, Garth Franklin, has posted his own review of the June 20, 2001 script for 'Nemesis'. While admitting that the script is in need of major rewrites to eliminate irrelevancy and enhance the stakes, Franklin does say that the script improves in the third act (a miracle for a TNG movie -- Steve Krutzler) and includes one of the most impressively-written space battles ever in a 'Trek' movie. Here are some excerpts:
"If someone were to ask me to quickly sum up my thoughts on the new film's script, I would say the last half hour of this movie has arguably the coolest starship battle Trek has ever done. In many ways its a LOT like the battle at the end of "Star Trek VI" but even more brutal to both people and machinery, and with an "Alien"-esque gunfight in the turboshafts too. In fact the entire last act, aside from some dialogue, makes for a killer Trek film - its a shame about those pesky first two acts. At present the current draft of "Nemesis" is average at best. Its above "Insurrection" but quite a way off from "First Contact" in terms of quality. Logan's story has moments of clever twists and a few non-Trek style surprises which make it seem fresh, but they're window dressing over a story which feels much more suited to a TV two-parter than a big screen film.
"The main plot has Picard taking on Shinzon, a leader of the Remans who are the inhabitants of Romulus' sister planet Remus which (like Mercury) rotates in a way that one side always faces the sun, the other is in total darkness - they must inhabit the dark side. As a result these Remans are now basically slaves who tire endlessly in Remus' dilithium mines. Their appearance according to the script is a lot like the appearance of Count Orlock in the original "Nosferatu" - ashen skin, finger claws, very dark features. This storyline is split into two parts - the Remans' plans to use a super powered warbird to cause some grief, and the rather stunning personal issue that Shinzon and Picard share. When the talk turns to the political or the potential danger it works quite well, but overall there's some big issues not addressed whilst others are focussed on way too long. The background of the Remans and Shinzon's connection to them isn't heavily touched upon (its brought up but the same one line explanation is repeated about three times - no details), their takeover of the leadership of the Romulan Empire is done with such ease (albeit via cool FX) that I'm surprised the Federation hadn't tried it before now. In fact aside from maybe 2-3 very limited speaking parts of dissenters amongst Shinzon's batch, we hardly even see any Romulans for crying out loud. The whole reason they worked as a villain was that they were a cunning threat which used politics, intelligence tactics and trickery to backstab you whilst smiling all the way. That isn't used to much effect here. The Remans and Shinzon have great potential as villains and at certain points they work very well, but more needed to be made of them to make the threat more tangible. Still overall this storyline is the strongest of the script and aside from desperately needing some expansion, inherently its an interesting idea (though enough with the superweapons already).
"The second part of the main storyline, and the main subplot is two personal stories relating to Picard and Data. These are where the main problems lie in the first two acts though from about halfway on they both improve a bit. One of the great things about "First Contact" was that aside from a few seconds of "listening to opera" character development which was short but got the meaning across, we got right into the action straight away. Here, after a very short but cool opening involving foreboding and the Senate takeover, there's around 10 minutes of scenes filled with WAY too much dialogue at the Riker/Troi wedding which could easily be cut down. Picard gives some nice comic speechs which needs a little editing, the crew banter feels like fodder (esp. Data's singing), and then Picard & Data talk about how Data feels sad everyone is leaving - not needed. Things don't kick off till they arrive at a desert rock planet where they find B-9 and get involved in an almost Mad Max-esque jeep battle on the desert floor. Fun and different for Trek I must say, but almost a little TOO different. This is where Data's storyline starts, and while it ties in to the plot in the second half quite well and in fact is vital to a good twist - in the first half its more like a cable TV movie about a parent raising a mentally handicapped child than Star Trek. When this was done in "The Offspring" episode of TNG it worked as there was humour, emotion and a real drama for the 'Lal' daughter he had to deactivate. Here as its only a subplot, there's not enough time to develop an emotional attachment to it but WAY too much time spent on it to be part of a sci-fi political action thriller.
[...]
"As is currently though the script is in real need of some major re-writes. The basis of a cool story is there that's accessible to fans and non-fans alike, and there's some good emotional storylines and action along with some great moments which would go like gangbusters on screen. What really needs to be decided now is a direction, at the moment its above all else a rather introverted drama that's not sure what it wants to be. As a political thriller it falls down pretty badly with the aforementioned lack of background and use of the Romulans. As an action film the pace is too erratic with long slow periods of quiet before going absolutely crazy in the final act. As an emotional drama about looking back and parenthood there's too much talking but not enough being said if you catch my drift. It feels a lot like Insurrection, the weakest of the TNG features which I'm sure Paramount wants to avoid. What's really missing from this, and what the "Enterprise" pilot had a good sense of, is a sense of adventurous fun. This is a very serious, very talky drama when it should be a action-packed tense thriller to send off the gang in style. Logan was hired for the epicness of his screen writing, something not present here. If you've got the Romulans as your backdrop, why not use them an use them well?."
For the full review, check out this page.
